Generally, we call an action as “right” in case it translates into profits. Profits of any kind must bring something of value. This we expect to translates into satisfaction and happiness — an ultimate objective of everyone’s life. But, all this seems too trivial, as we all know that. Right? Then why happiness seems to elude us all the time? It is like a mirage, the more we work towards it, the further is eludes. Something must be fundamentally wrong. Either in our actions or in our expectations towards it (what we consider as happiness). Then how do we decide what is right for us? This seems to be the biggest mystery of life. So many books have been written to unfold it. My intent is not to translate this into a complicated and philosophical discussion, but to look at this issue more pragmatically. This note is an attempt in that direction.
In our life, we all experience pain. Pain is a signal that brain uses to direct us to act to contain the source causing it. Pain can be either mental or physical. It can be caused by our own deliberate actions (working, studying, exercising etc), or by external factors over which we have little control (accident, humiliation etc). Sometimes pain can sustain for a long period of time. This “sustained pain” is what we describe as “misery”. Since “pain” cannot be avoided, I think, in our quest for happiness, all we are trying to do is to avoid “misery”(Read my earlier note — “Pain is Inevitable, But Suffering is a Choice”). But, what should we do to avoid it? Interestingly, the actions needed are very simple to understand but, very hard to implement. Why? As most of these actions are in direct conflict with our inherent desire to seek “pleasure” (ephemeral happiness). “Pleasure”, which evaporates much faster than the time we take to acquire it, as our desires inflate soon after — seeking more of it — making the whole process unsustainable. In my view, “misery” can be controlled to a large extent by following some simple principles. This is what I plan to discuss going forward.
Avoiding Weakness
Swami Vivekananda once said that “Anything that makes us weak — physically, intellectually and spiritually, reject it as poison.” It is the weakness of mind and body that makes us miserable, as it (weakness) seeks “ephemeral happiness” — the root cause of all misery. It is this weakness that prevents us from working hard, exercising etc, thereby preventing the mind and the body to get strengthened — resulting is sickness, both mental and physical — the key reason for sustained pain (misery). So it is very important that one works to develop his “willpower”. See my earlier note in this regard — “Why it’s so hard to do the right thing?”.
Having a Sense of Control
Having a sense of control is the key to a stress-free life. But, in this world nothing seems to be in control. Then how can we create a sense of control in ourselves? I think, organizing ourselves well and doing things in a systematic manner can greatly help in this direction. For example, filing documents (both paper and soft copies) properly can help in reducing stress significantly by creating a sense of control in oneself. Read my earlier note “Seven Steps to Organize Data for Increased Efficiency”. Misplaced documents are a major cause of stress, especially at times when one needs them the most. Also, creating a habit of keeping important things such as car keys, and other items in a well-defined place in the house can greatly help in reducing stress and help prevent situations getting out of control.
Following a Routine
Most of the tasks that we do daily are repetitive in nature. When a routine is followed, the mind works automatically and consumes much less energy than when it is worked deliberately. Hence, following a routine increases efficiency and helps in reducing mental stress. For example, getting up, eating, working, sleeping in time synergies the mind and the body to work in symphony. We must translate routines into habits. This increases our working efficiency and productivity and makes us feel happy. In this regard, I found the book authored by Charles Duhigg called “The Power of Habit” very useful. I have also written a short review of this book in my earlier note — “Science of Habit”.
Strengthening Relationships
Relationships are key to our lives. We cannot live without them. Someone has rightly said that “Friends are the flowers in the garden of life. They fill your life with Happiness.” True friendship boosts our confidence level, as we can rely on them (true friends) in difficult times for support. In business, a good relationship is a huge performance booster. It has the potential of making us a better leader, salesman, or whatever we are aiming to accomplish in our profession. It boosts our confidence levels and greatly helps in reducing stress and misery. We need to work towards improving relationships. See my earlier note — “Why do some have better relationships than others?”
Managing Time Efficiently
We are always under pressure to do multiple things, and time is always in short supply. Hence, managing time efficiently is very important. But, how do we manage our time properly? In past, I had written a note to discuss this issue — “Time Management: Is it all about efficiency?” In this note, I emphasized on the fact that “Time Management” has a strong analogy with investment in stock markets. Just like stocks, if we invest in time judiciously today (like learning new skills), we can create more of it for ourselves tomorrow (these newly acquired skills will make us more productive). This will increase our accomplishment, thereby making us happier in the process.
Managing Expectation
Ability to manage one’s expectation about outcomes is very important, as any unreasonable expectation can potentially drive us crazy, thereby making us miserable. But, how do we manage expectation? The best way is by being grateful towards what we already have. The world is not designed to support all our moves and desires all the time. Some situations will favor us, and some won’t. We can just try, and make a truly honest attempt. If we succeed we should be humble enough to recognize other’s contributions (who have helped us achieve it), and if we fail we should leverage the experience and learn from it. In this regard, I had written a note which you might find interesting — “Seeking Fairness? But, “Nothing is fair in this World”.
Being Honest
Honesty is the glue which ties all the other principles mentioned above. Being honest is a wonderful thing but, it is easier said than done, especially in the imperfect world that we all live in. But, “honesty” when blended with intelligence, can drive unthinkable results. “Honesty” can, however, bring interim pain, but it has the magical power of controlling misery, especially when it is practiced along with the principles mentioned in the earlier part of my note. I have described this situation in an earlier note — “Is Honesty the best policy in business?”
These seven principles have the power of transforming one’s lives and controlling misery to a large extent. Since nothing is right or wrong in this world, one can choose not be follow any of these principles and still be successful (conventional definition of success — wealth, name, fame etc). But, the million dollar question is whether the success so acquired will bring the necessary happiness that one is looking for?
